December 09, 2011

My Heart's Desire

I want to be a stay at home mom.  I also want to be a homeschooling mom. 

Well, I think I do.

Over the past several years, I have become increasingly sure that these are my heart's true desires.  Mr. Blessings and I have discussed these things as possibility, but I don't want to jump into the decision without even having experienced parenthood.

None of my close friends are stay at home moms.  I think that a few of them might like to be, but I also know that many of my friends enjoy their time at work.

I have talked to a few new mamas that were more than ready to return to work at the end of their maternity leave...not like they excitedly dropped their kids off at daycare that first day, but just that they needed and wanted some adult interaction, some time away from the mama role and that satisfying fulfillment that their careers bring them. 

Half of my heart is hoping that I will feel similarly.  It would be nice to happily go back to work without the stress of constantly wishing that I wasn't home with the bean.

The other half of me is pretty sure that I won't feel this way and that it will instead be time for Brian and I to make some tough decisions.

Our current plan is for me to work at least until Baby P. #2 should arrive.  I think that seems like a fair compromise.  It will give us a few years to improve our financial situation.  It will give us a few years to settle into parenting and for God to show us what he would like us to do.

I have also considered the idea of working until our first Baby P. is old enough to start school and quitting work at that time to stay home and homeschool.   This plan would allow me five (or so) more years of contributing to the family finances, taking advantage of my employer's retirement plan, etc.

I have prayed about this extensively over the past year or two.  I know that God will provide for us and that through Him all things are possible.  For now, continuing to pray seems like the best thing that we can do.

If you would be so kind to send a few prayers up for us, too, we would appreciate it.  We are looking to do God's will in His time and for His guidance in making these big decisions. 


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