January 24, 2012

Am I "Ready" to Become a Mama?

Almost to 35 weeks and it is all still so surreal. (Some things haven't changed much!)

At the beginning of my pregnancy, I thought that as the weeks rolled by I would somehow, magically, have a better grasp on the reality of this situation.  I don’t think that has happened.  Or at least not to the extent that I was expecting.  I do feel somewhat “ready” – but also still in a minor stage of denial.  

What does it mean to feel ready?  It means that I am anxious to meet my son.  It means that I am anxious to be done with near-constant heartburn, pregnancy induced carpal tunnel, back aches, and the other not-fun pregnancy side effects.  It means that we can now call ourselves the proud owners of things like a crib, diapers, a stack of board books and lots of tiny clothes.  It means that I have read through the first several chapters of newborn parenting books.  It means that I have filled out all of the paperwork for my FMLA leave, lined up a pediatrician and have made lots and lots of visits to my own doctor.

So, people ask if I am ready and I say “yes,” but I know that I am basically clueless about what to expect.    

An acquaintance referred to the time after the birth of your first child as “magical.”  I asked her to clarify.  She said that since you don’t know what to expect, you are on a kind of high simply because you are learning and experiencing new things at every turn. 

So, I may be ready or I may not be ready or (probably) I am as ready as I am going to be.  What I have to say just now is, "Bring it on!"   
Note: At posting date, I am in my 36th week of pregnancy.  This is a journal entry from week 34.

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