November 16, 2011

On the Surrealism of Early Pregnancy

I am halfway between 14 and 15 weeks pregnant.  In just a few - maybe five or six, weeks I should be able to feel the little one moving around in there.  And, about that same time, we will get to find out if he or she is a he or she. 

When we saw the baby: so definite, so baby-like and moving around so much, on the ultrasound, I could no longer harbor the secret question of his or her existence.  Still, seeing the baby move without being able to feel it made it seem less than real…like I was looking at a photo of another person's insides - not my own.  
It is all so surreal.  

I was surprised, in that first week or so of knowing for sure that I was pregnant, at all of the weird little feelings that I felt in my lower abdomen.  I guess my uterus was doing some stretches.  And then, I was more surprised, and a bit relieved, when they stopped and I felt just normal for quite a while.  But I think that “normal” feeling is part of what is keeping me from feeling like I am really pregnant or at least from believing it.   


Note: At posting date, I am in my 26th week of pregnancy.  This is a journal entry from week 14.

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