A Name for Baby P

I think we may have decided on a name. 

I talked to the baby a bit on my way to work, this morning, and tried it out on him.  It seemed to work.  We still don’t feel comfortable completely ruling out our second choice – it is nice to have at least one backup – but I think that we are pretty set on a winner.

It feels good to have the decision largely made before his arrival.  Imagining him with his name makes him seem a bit less fictional.  He will really be here (soon!) and now I know what we will call him.

Yay!   My shoulders feel a bit lighter.   

♥ brooke

Journal Entry 38 weeks and 3 days

Oh boy.  I feel so ready to be done with this pregnancy thing.  I don’t necessarily mean that I am ready for the next phase, but that I am definitely ready for the heart burn, carpal tunnel, snoring, swollen hands and feet, tummy resting on my lap, shortness of breath and all of the extra weight to be gone. 

My stomach is huge.  The attention it garners gives me increased faith in the good and goodwill of the world.  It has been really fun to have total stranger strike up conversations about their own pregnancies/children and ask me about my due date, the sex of the baby, etc.  I often feel like people get too involved in their own little worlds and are reluctant to reach out to those around them.  This experience has shown me how easy it can be for people to relate to one another. 

And the other side: My stomach is huge.  The number of people commenting on the fact that I *still* haven’t gone into labor, that I am *still* at work, etc. is starting to make me nutty.  Yes, I am *still* here.  There is no need for you to comment on the fact because I am well aware of it.  Thank you very much. 

I still feel a bit stressed about the name situation.  I feel like our top two choices are both great and I don’t know which one to pick.  I have heard a few moms say that it was very clear that their chosen name was either right or wrong when they met their babe.  I pray that that will be our experience.  I don’t want the naming stress to continue into the hours or days after his birth. 

And the other side: I am extremely excited about his middle name.  His middle name will be my dad’s first name and I am so eager for my dad to learn the news.  My dad has a Swedish name (with an Americanized pronunciation) that is very uncommon in my part of the world.  If you google it, you will find plenty of people with his name, but I have never met another person with the name or known anyone who is familiar with it outside of our family.  I think my dad will be honored to have his first grandson share this name with him.  I feel like giving our little guy this name not only gives me (and our little guy) a stronger connection with my dad, but also with my grandparents who chose this name for their own son.  

I realize that I am still more than a week out from my due date, but I have started to have the irrational fear/belief that this kid might not ever come out.  I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and I am just hoping and praying for some sort of news that will lead me back to the world of rational people - aka those that know that their children cannot stay inside them forever.  

♥ brooke

Note: At posting date, I am in my 39th week of pregnancy.  This is a journal entry from week 38.

38 Week Photo and a Pregnancy Photo Series Recap

I think this post could also be titled "I used to be skinny and now I am huge!"  :)

♥ brooke

It's February!

Last June, when we first learned of Baby P's existence, February seemed so very far away.

At times, it has seemed like this pregnancy has dragged on for much more than the requisite 9 months.  And then there are days like today when I can hardly believe how quickly it has all gone.

And, when the next lady in the checkout line at Target asks me when I am due, I can simply say, "the 19th."  Baby P's month has arrived! 

Woot!  We can't wait to meet you, little one. 

♥ brooke

My Pregnancy - 36 Weeks

I’ve been having contractions for just more than a week now.

When the first one happened, I wasn’t paying close attention and just thought to myself, “Hmmm.  That felt kind of weird.”  When the second one happened, I paid attention.  I felt somewhat short of breath and felt like the muscles of my uterus were slowly tightening and then releasing.  I went to the doctor the next day and he confirmed that these are Braxton-Hicks contractions. 

Having these contractions is oddly comforting.  It helps me to feel like we (baby and I) are making progress toward his eventual arrival. 

My main feelings of the week: I am anxious for his arrival and for this pregnancy to be over and done with.

The night time back aches have pretty much gone away.  They have been replaced with increased pains in my hands, increased need for potty breaks (especially in the middle of the night) and a racing brain in the middle of the night.  I wake up to go potty and then can’t fall back asleep because my brain is running a million miles an hour.  

♥ brooke

Note: At posting date, I am in my 37th week of pregnancy.  This is a journal entry from week 36.

My Pre-Baby To Do List

In my 25 week post, I made a quick list of things that needed to be done before Baby P's arrival.  I think it's about time to revisit that post, as the little one could be arriving at any time.  

Here we go:

• Finish crocheting the baby afghan.
• This one is not going to happen.  I have the squares approximately 80% done, but my pregnancy-induced carpal tunnel hardly lets me type, let alone crochet.  So, this project will have to be completed sometime after Baby P's arrival....assuming that the carpal tunnel goes away.  
• Buy more winter maternity clothes.
• Success!  I am going to make it through my pregnancy without spending a ton of money and without going naked.  My winter coat is becoming rather difficult to zip, but I will persevere!
• Go to the doctor...many more times.
• I've been faithfully going as scheduled.  We are now to weekly appointments until this kiddo decides to make his arrival.
• Get a car seat, extra car seat base and a stroller.
• This "to do" item was just completed in the last week.  We ended up buying a jogging stroller that allows our car seat to attach to it for use during the first few months.
• Take the prenatal class at the hospital.
• Done!  And for extra credit we also took a breastfeeding class.
• Acquire more kid books.
• I think we now have more than enough books and I have already been daydreaming about taking the little guy on his first visit to the library.  
• Buy a crib.
• My mama kindly purchased us a crib as a shower gift.  It is up and ready to go!
• Find a pediatrician.
• Done!  And her office is not only within walking distance from our house, but also open on both Saturdays and Sundays.  How lucky are we?
• Arrange for daycare.
• We found a mom in our neighborhood who is starting a small daycare and she has been hired!  
• Plan Baby P.'s weekly photo shoot.
• I have purchased fabric and feel generally prepared for my plan.  As a shower gift, I received the book, "Mamarazzi: Every Mom's Guide to Photographing Kids."  I also purchased a 35mm f1.8 lens.  I have been playing around with it for the past few weeks and I am convinced that it will take some wonderful baby photos.  Yay!  You can learn more about my general photo shoot plan in my Weekly Photo Shoot post. 
• Wash all of the baby clothes.
• They have been washed and are ready to go!  Blankets and diapers, too.
• Acquire an adequate supply of cloth diapers and related accessories.
• We are renting our newborn cloth diapers for use during the first few months.  After that, I think we are good to go.  Between a few "new" purchases, shower gifts, craigslist and consignment, I think that we should have more than enough diapers.  Woot!
• Decide on a name!!!!  (Or at least, a short list of names.)
• I don't think that I can cross this one off as "done," but I would say that we have made some excellent progress.  I am confident that our baby will have a name within the first few hours of his life.  :)  It is just so hard to decide and agree on anything.  One thing we have accomplished, on this front: we have decided on a middle name.  That's progress, right?

♥ brooke

Pregnancy Photo Series

 

Here are my pregger photos through week 34.

I am currently in week 36, but (despite the best of intentions...especially considering that Baby P. could arrive at any time) we have failed to take photos for weeks 35 or 36.  Here's crossing my fingers for a 37 week photo! 

Despite a kind offer from a friend, Mr. Blessings and I have decided not to take any professional maternity/couple photos.  If we had not done our own little "watch the belly grow" series, I might have opted for the professional photos.  Instead, I am quite happy with our at-home photo shoots and know that I will forever treasure this set of photographs as they mark the growth of our family.

Am I "Ready" to Become a Mama?

Almost to 35 weeks and it is all still so surreal. (Some things haven't changed much!)


At the beginning of my pregnancy, I thought that as the weeks rolled by I would somehow, magically, have a better grasp on the reality of this situation.  I don’t think that has happened.  Or at least not to the extent that I was expecting.  I do feel somewhat “ready” – but also still in a minor stage of denial.  


What does it mean to feel ready?  It means that I am anxious to meet my son.  It means that I am anxious to be done with near-constant heartburn, pregnancy induced carpal tunnel, back aches, and the other not-fun pregnancy side effects.  It means that we can now call ourselves the proud owners of things like a crib, diapers, a stack of board books and lots of tiny clothes.  It means that I have read through the first several chapters of newborn parenting books.  It means that I have filled out all of the paperwork for my FMLA leave, lined up a pediatrician and have made lots and lots of visits to my own doctor.

So, people ask if I am ready and I say “yes,” but I know that I am basically clueless about what to expect.    

An acquaintance referred to the time after the birth of your first child as “magical.”  I asked her to clarify.  She said that since you don’t know what to expect, you are on a kind of high simply because you are learning and experiencing new things at every turn. 

So, I may be ready or I may not be ready or (probably) I am as ready as I am going to be.  What I have to say just now is, "Bring it on!"   

♥ brooke

Note: At posting date, I am in my 36th week of pregnancy.  This is a journal entry from week 34.

Anticipation

I always get a little case of the post-holiday blahs when I take down the Christmas decorations.  

The holiday season seems to pass in a whirlwind and then all of my sweet decorations come down and I am left with my “everyday” house, again.   

This year is different!  I have something so big and exciting to look forward to.  Our lives are going to change and we have really no idea what to expect. 

As I mentioned in my Thanksgiving post, I get great joy out of anticipation.  It allows me time to daydream.  Normally, this comes in the form of saving up for a big purchase, planning for a vacation or considering varying decorating schemes.  This year is different...

Waiting to meet this baby and to experience mama-hood has been the biggest anticipation of my life

♥ brooke

Daydreaming About Baby P.

I am a daydreamer by nature.

Now that this little guy is on his way, I like to utilize quiet moments to think about the mama that I will be and the sweet baby boy that I will get to snuggle in just a few months. 

It seems like the best times for such daydreams are while I am crocheting his afghan or looking and sorting through the stacks of clothing, books and other items that we have acquired for him.  His room is slowly coming together and I love spending time in it.  I sit in the rocking chair and think about this sweet little bean that we will soon have the privilege and responsibility of parenting.

Looking through all of his little things (they are SO tiny!), I think of my little bambino and it is easy to forget that he won't be a baby forever...or even for long.   

I am so thankful that I will get to spend the first three months of his life at home with him and that Mr. Blessings will get to spend the next couple with him.  We are blessed beyond all measure.

I am so anxious to meet this little guy, but for now I am thoroughly enjoying this time to ponder and daydream.

♥ brooke

Cloth Diapers, Baby Clothes and Other Ways to Spend My Money

I am generally a very frugal person.  I am pretty good at only spending money on things that I really think are useful and/or beautiful.  I oftentimes get a bigger kick out of additional money in my savings account than additional items in my home.  Plus, I am quite the picky chick, so the number of things that I actually buy is further restricted by my tastes.

All of that, to explain that I am pretty choosy about what things to buy and pretty conservative about my spending.

Then came this pregnancy and I just want to spend, spend, spend. 
 

We have Baby P.'s dresser and it is slowly filling up with goodies: books, diapers, clothes, a few toys, etc.

I want to shop for diapers and clothes nonstop.   

I know that we will get lots of good stuff at my baby showers.  I try to remind myself of that when I want to go shopping.  The showers are still a month away, though, and sometimes I can talk myself into buying things just to "be prepared."  

I guess I think that I might not get the things that I think I need at my showers.  I figure that I will have to go shopping at some point, anyway, so I might as well just do it now.  

Or, more likely, I am just making this little argument in my head so that I can go look through all of the cute baby things and not feel too guilty about purchasing some of them.

Maybe this spending spree can be blamed on the fact that the things I am  buying are not for myself.  I don't feel so guilty spending the money on someone else.  Maybe it's because I have daydreamed about having a baby for so long and how I would decorate his room, clothe him, etc. and now that it is finally true I am trying to live up to all of those self-imposed expectations.  

As this battle continues, I will keep you posted on how I am doing and how my mindset changes.  I am afraid that this is just the beginning, but I am hoping not.  I hope that once he is born I will settle back into my frugal ways.  

As far as the cloth diapering goes, I recently read an article that really  made me stop in my tracks.  It reminded me that the reason we are cloth diapering is to save some money.  So, if I just buy and buy and buy I am defeating the purpose.  I think that I will start a little ledger to keep in Baby's diaper drawer of how much I have spent on cloth diapers.  I think that will help me to keep myself in check.  

Did anyone else have this same struggle?  Did it end when your bambino was born?  Did it get worse?  

♥ brooke

More Baby Bumps

Now that I have been feeling his kicks and bumps for several weeks and, even better, been able to feel them with my hand from the outside, he is starting to seem more and more like a real person.  

Or, perhaps I should say, it is starting to gel in my mind that there is a real live little guy in my tummy and that he is the one that we will get to bring home from the hospital.  

Up until now, it seemed like the baby that we would bring home was a completely separate idea from the fact that my tummy was slowly getting bigger. 

Something else about the bumps: I now feel the need to hold my tummy or at least give it a little bounce  when I start to feel a few flutters and kicks.  Or sometimes, I just say "Hi, Baby."  I feel like he needs me to acknowledge his presence and to give him a little reassuring love.  

I want our little guy to know that I take notice of him throughout my day.  It is all kind of weird and doesn't really make sense, but somehow all of this makes me feel like I am becoming  more of a mom.

♥ brooke

Note: At posting date, I am in my 28th week of pregnancy.  This is a journal entry from week 23.

Baby Bumps

I just felt the baby move.  

A couple little pops in my tummy. 

I am sitting here with a stupid smile on my face.  I want to say “hi baby” in that sugary voice reserved for puppies, babies and all things tiny and precious. 

More pops and bumps and a little flutter. 

This is the most I have felt him or her move. 

I don’t want to move out of this position because I don't want it to stop.  It’s kind of like watching for falling stars.  You don’t want to look away and miss one. 

I don’t want to get up and get distracted by work and life and lose this connection with the little being that I can only really feel when I am sitting calmly and relaxing.

♥ brooke

Note: At posting date, I am in my 27th week of pregnancy.  This is a journal entry from week 19.

On the Surrealism of Early Pregnancy

I am halfway between 14 and 15 weeks pregnant.  In just a few - maybe five or six, weeks I should be able to feel the little one moving around in there.  And, about that same time, we will get to find out if he or she is a he or she. 

When we saw the baby: so definite, so baby-like and moving around so much, on the ultrasound, I could no longer harbor the secret question of his or her existence.  Still, seeing the baby move without being able to feel it made it seem less than real…like I was looking at a photo of another person's insides - not my own.  
  
It is all so surreal.  

I was surprised, in that first week or so of knowing for sure that I was pregnant, at all of the weird little feelings that I felt in my lower abdomen.  I guess my uterus was doing some stretches.  And then, I was more surprised, and a bit relieved, when they stopped and I felt just normal for quite a while.  But I think that “normal” feeling is part of what is keeping me from feeling like I am really pregnant or at least from believing it.   

♥ brooke


Note: At posting date, I am in my 26th week of pregnancy.  This is a journal entry from week 14.

Me, A Mom?

I can’t quite grasp the fact that we will be parents soon, that I will be a mom.  That I am a mom.  

And yet, it doesn’t seem that strange either.  

I am in a weird middle ground of not really believing it, but knowing that when the baby makes its entrance into the world I will be ready to accept him or her into our family. I will be ready to take on this new role.  


I think this means that I am right where I am supposed to be.

I know that Mr. Blessings and I are already a family, but adding this little person to the mix makes it seem more official.  It makes us seem more grown up.  I think it might take a little while for the adult-ness, the “we are a family” thing, to really settle into my brain.  I still feel like we are the kids in our parents’ families more than the adults in our own separate family.

I remember, a few years back, when a woman at work asked me if I would be bringing my family to an event.  I couldn't believe that she viewed me as "old enough" to even have a family of my own.  Even though my peers had husbands and children, I just couldn't quite imagine myself in that same place.  


Thank goodness, our good God gives us nine months to prepare for the little ones to emerge.  As my pregnancy progresses, I slowly feel more and more "ready" for our little guy to join us.  I still don't feel like a mom, but the idea doesn't seem as strange as it did a few months ago.  

Sometime in February, I hope to be able to confidently say, "This is my son."  And to know and feel on every level that I am somebody's mama.   

♥ brooke

My Pregnancy - 25 Weeks

Here I am at 25 weeks pregnant!

My belly feels huge to me and I find it kind of scary to know that I still have 15 weeks to go.  15 more weeks of a growing tummy?  How big will I be???


On the other hand, I am glad that we still have 15 weeks to go because there are still so many things on my "to do" list.  Some of them definitely need to be done before the kiddo arrives and others are just things that I would ideally have done before he arrives.  Here's a quick run down:

• Finish crocheting the baby afghan
• Buy more winter maternity clothes
• Go to the doctor...many more times
• Get a car seat, extra car seat base and a stroller
• Take the prenatal class at the hospital
• Acquire more kid books
• Buy a crib
• Find a pediatrician
• Plan Baby P.'s weekly photo shoot
• Arrange for daycare
• Wash all of the baby clothes
• Acquire an adequate supply of cloth diapers and related accessories
• Decide on a name!!!!  (Or at least, a short list of names.)

To be honest, I was feeling a bit "ahead of the game" with this whole baby preparedness thing until I started talking with one of my coworkers who is also expecting and realized that I still had a lot of things to do.  Now, I am back to feeling unprepared.

At least I now have a list.  Lists seem to be good motivators for me.  I love the feeling I get when I get to cross something off of one of my lists!

♥ brooke